Sunday, December 27, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
It seems that we never get to really have a good Christmas. Not that I need a ton of gifts, but I do like giving them to other people. And, I love to see my dear Husband's face when he opens a gift that he has really been hoping to get. This is our 5th Christmas as a married couple, and I still think that the ones we had when we were dating, were much better. Sometimes being an adult with 'real' responsibilities just isn't much fun. I hate having to choose bills over presents.
And we always say that we will never have another lame Christmas, but somehow the next one is just as disappointing as the last. We are really so fortunate to have a Gift that is more important that any present that could be unwrapped under the tree. Without Jesus, our lame Christmas celebration would be pretty depressing. So, even though the weather kept us from getting to church last night, we are so blessed to be able to celebrate our Savior's birth this Christmas. And whether or not we have a bunch of gifts to open next year, we will keep celebrating the best gift ever given.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
I met with an admissions counselor at NTC today and discussed the options that are available to me. I am sadly and very reluctantly putting my dreams of being a Physician's Assistant away. :-( I had the counselor put me on the waiting list for the nursing program. It is about a 2 year wait, which I hate, but it will give me some time to find a job as an MA and hopefully save up some money to pay for the next set of classes without having to ask for help from my dad.
I'm also looking at taking the EMT Basic class. That way I could work alongside the paramedics and really get some hands-on experience. I don't relish the idea of being jolted from a sound slumber to race off to a call, but I really feel like I am called to help people and this is one way that I can do it.
While I'm waiting for the nursing program to open up, I have to complete a CNA course. It shouldn't be that difficult, considering all the work that I did getting my MA degree. The problem is going to be finding the time to complete the course. They offer it in Medford, but it is during the day; which won't work if I (ever) have a job. I could take it in Wausau, but that makes no sense unless I'm working over there. I'll have to look into what they offer in Marshfield.
I really wish there was some way to clone myself so that I could do all the things I want to do and no one would feel neglected. I don't want to miss the time away from my family, but I have never felt God's calling in my life until now and I would hate to miss out on what He has planned for me.
ARGH!!! What a dilemma!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Second layer is a set of cuddleduds....pants and a tank top.
Third layer is my thin, long sleeve tee and a pair of black running tights. They aren't technical running tights, and I would really like a tighter, thinner pair; but these will work for now.
Fourth layer is a dry-fit tee and a pair of shorts with pockets. The pockets are key in the outer layer so that I can keep my chapstick and a piece of gum at the ready. My ipod and car key goes in my Spi-Belt.
NEDA hoodie (that can be taken off and tied around my waist if I get too warm), Green Bay Packer stocking cap, green 'neck-gizer,' gloves and my shoes. The gloves usually come off at some point and end up in the pocket of my hoodie.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Today was the Thermal 3 race in Chippewa Falls. It was a 3 mile race; not a 5K. The weather was in the 20s at the start of the race. I hate going to races alone because I don't get any pictures of me running. So, I'll just have to post the one of last week's Noodleini race in De Pere.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
I don't know how to counteract the consumerism, especially during the Christmas season, when he is going to be getting a lot of what he wants from his grandparents, aunt, and the rest of the family. How can I teach him that his worth isn't wrapped up in the 'things' he gets? How can I teach him that it really is better to give than to receive? How can I teach him to be thankful for all that he has? And if all that fails, how can I teach him to stop saying "I want that!" at the top of his lungs?
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Next week, I will split my time between Family Practice and Physical Therapy. I'm looking forward to the PT stuff. I hope that I enjoy it.
In the meantime, I am going to try to enjoy my Thanksgiving weekend. I have so much to be thankful for. I have a wonderful husband and son. I have a warm home to go to at the end of the day. I have a relatively healthy body that is going to carry me 3.1 miles during Sunday's race. I have family and friends who I care about dearly. It has been a good year.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I love watching my boys be boys. And there is nothing that says 'boy' like dinosaurs. Even better.....model dinosaurs. They boys had a great time putting these together and I think my darling Son will be getting more models in the future....especially if the Husband has anything to say about it.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
I ran with my cousin Jason, who had a great time, even though he had been a little under the weather. And, my friend Krissy, from high school ran as well. I had high hopes of keeping up with her, but realized about a half mile in, that I was really not in top form. I think I'm okay with that. I knew that I wasn't going to be setting any PRs in that race. I haven't been training as much as I should. I'm not logging the miles that I used to. Part of it is that it is cold outside and it gets dark really early. Part of it is that I am busy with my internship and I am not getting home until later in the evening; by then I am exhausted.
But, overall, I think it was a decent race. My favorite part, by far, was approaching the finish line and seeing the Son cheering me on. He decided to run the last 200 or so meters with me. It really got me going and I was able to push through to the end. Even though my dear boy couldn't keep up. He is better than any PR!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I had my fist day of OB/GYN in Weston today. That clinic is gorgeous! But I'm not sure that my mentor is the best person for me to be working with. She works with the NPs in the clinic and they mostly do their own procedures. I was extremely jealous of Kristina who got to observe two colposcopies this morning. I don't think I even got to say hello to one of the physicians. Lisa, the NP who was there today doesn't seem all that thrilled about having a student around. Whereas the doctors both took the time to talk to Kristina about what they were doing.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.
On another note, I love posting Operation Beautiful notes.
Friday, October 30, 2009
I just love posting Operation Beautiful notes. There is something about it that brightens my day. I always feel better after leaving a note that I hope will make someone else feel better.
And I could really use some 'feel better' in my life right now. Today is my last day of work at the high school, where I've been for a little over a year. On Monday, I start my internship. I am not looking forward to driving to Wausau every day...the miles are going to be a financial hardship to say the least.
But, the first three weeks are in OB/GYN and that is SOOOO exciting for me. I know that I am going to learn a ton and the experience will look great on a resume. I just can't believe that after more than a year of schooling, this ellusive internship has finally arrived.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
I am sitting at my desk at work, and I am not having a good day. I am angry that my internship location is not at the clinic I wanted. I am worried about how we are going to be able to afford me driving to Wausau and back every day for the next 6 weeks...without me getting a pay check. I'm exhausted and drained and I still have so much homework to do before Saturday.
I am hoping that I can post some Operation Beautiful love after work and somehow lift my spirits as well. And, I'm going to fun tonight. I need some endorphins!
Monday, October 26, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
But, this year, I am going to do everything possible to get through it with as high of spirits as possible. I have some races scheduled for November and December (Nov. 29th , Dec. 5th and Dec. 12th). It will be freezing, but I'm hoping that I can ride the wave of runner's high for a few days after each one. At least until the giddy anticipation of the next race comes.
The Husband bought some full-spectrum light bulbs and put them in strategic places in our house. These are supposed to mimic natural sunlight and 'trick' the brain into feeling better. It alters the circadian rhythms and suppresses the release of melatonin. I hope it works. If nothing else, my bathroom is really bright and makes applying make up a breeze.
I think that the other thing I could do would be to actually style my hair. I have worn it up every day since June (when we went to the Husband's cousin's wedding in NYC). It is exponentially easier and faster to flip my hair up into a clip in the morning than it would be to take the time to blow dry and flat iron it. I know that it is just laziness on my part. But, maybe if I took the time to do my hair, I would feel a little bit better about myself and that would stave off the winter blahs.
What do you think?
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
And, I am nearing the completion of one of my goals. I have a mere three weeks of school left. Granted, it is going to be three jam-packed, stressful, exhausting weeks. But after those three weeks, I won't have to do school work every waking minute. I will have to go to my externship; and that is another stress-inducing thought. But, as I get closer to realizing this goal, and putting a chapter of my life behind me, I am searching for new goals.
I don't even know why I'm doing this. I should be looking forward to resting and having some expendable time to enjoy my family. I don't say this because I think that I am a harder worker, or more driven than other people. On the contrary. I think I'm pretty messed up. My body needs to rest. I need to have some down time, but I can't seem to function without being constantly working toward a goal....or six..
So, I'm planning when I'll be able to compete my first 10K and my first half-marathon. I'm planning when I'll get my first job as an MA and what classes I can take in the summer. I have a list of books I want to read and projects I want to complete. Then there are the vacations that need to be saved for and the home improvement plans that need to be sketched out.
Someone really needs to tell me to take a nap.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
And I was all set to go for a nice run after work this afternoon. I set out some warm running clothes before I went to bed last night. I finally bought some running leggings that I can wear under a pair of shorts. So, I set those out with my grey shorts and a long sleeve shirt to wear under a t-shirt. I laid out my sports bra and socks and I even updated my ipod this morning. I was going to come home and change clothes and get outside for about 4 miles. I have been mentally mapping my route in my head since yesterday. I even planned for a little bit of a hill. I was going to run past the cemetary, since it is really the only hill in town. This was going to be my chance to get outside and see if I could handle the cooler weather. BUT....it has been raining since last night. And, not just sprinkles, either. It has been coming down pretty good. I don't want to sound like a fairweather runner, but I also don't want to put myself in a position to get sick or injured. I'll give my treadmill a go, but I'm really bummed that I can't get outside. I know that I will run further outside. It is always a challenge to get 2 miles in on the treadmill. I just get bored too easily.
I guess the good news of the week, is that I don't have to work on Thursday or Friday. I am going to plan for some outdoor runs on those days. And, I got a good chunk of homework done yesterday, so I feel pretty good about my progress for the week. I'll do some more today and hopefully I won't be too stressed out about what I still need to get done as the week progresses.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
I guess I'll try to focus on the positive. I successfully completed two venipunctures at school today. It is kinda neat to see my lab partner's blood filling a tube because I managed to hit the vein. Then, I got to do an intramuscular injection. That was pretty cool, too. I have more homework than I want to acknowledge at this point. But....externship is a month away. I hope I can make it without going insane.
I will be going shopping tomorrow after church. And Mango Smirnoff is on the list.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Suzy Favor Hamilton was part of the event and she gave a little motivational 'speech' before the start of the 10K. After the 10K, the 5K started. This was my first ever timing-chip race. I am definitely going to keep the chip as a reminder.
The weather was perfect; not too cold, not to hot, a little bit of a breeze. The course was beautiful. We ran through the Vilas neighborhood and there were only a couple small hills. One of them was a little bigger than 'small' and my quads started throbbing. At one point, I had to step over a dead chipmunk. Poor thing. But, I made it. I crossed the finish line and saw a very disappointing time, but I remembered that my timing chip would have the accurate time for my race. I still drove home pretty bummed out about it. I really wanted to set a PR for this race, and I didn't think I accomplished that. I was so bummed that I actually didn't want to check out the results on the website, but I did. I ran a 30:12. I was hoping for sub-29; but no race is a bad race, right?
I don't have another race until the first weekend in November. I really want to do some speed training and maybe some hill workouts to increase my chances of success in these races. I like running, but I very infrequently challenge myself in my training. I usually just set out and run on my flat ground at a relatively easy pace. But, NO MORE!!! I am heading to the track tonight to do some speed workouts. And if I'm really motivated, maybe hills later in the week!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
On tonight's run, I passed two banks with time displays. The first one was about 35 minutes into the run. The second was about 52 minutes in. As usual, I started to doubt my resolve a couple miles in. I was tired, my thighs were burning and I was convinced that I was the world's slowest runner. I had no idea how far I had gone because I don't map out my runs ahead of time. I always wait until I get home and then I map them.
After I finally got home, the first thing I did was go to the kitchen to check how long I had been gone. One hour and 2 minutes!!! I finally broke the hour barrier. I was so excited. After struggling to put the Son to bed and doing a quick homework assignment, I got to the computer to map my route....5.97 miles! I couldn't believe it. My previous best distance was 4.63. This was more than a mile further. And, less than a quarter mile from a 10K. Life is good. Running is better.
Then, I got to enjoy my favorite part of each day. Dessert with the Husband. I had some banana ice cream with a little bit of peanut butter and some Craisins. Yum.
This is one of those days when I wish I hadn't taken on a second job...especially a second job that I'm not all that interested in. I could just go home after the first job and get some studying done. I could make a nice meal for my family, instead of stressing my husband out with dinner preparation instructions. Then, having accomplished my studying tasks for the day, I could run with a clear conscious. But, that is not what I get to do. I get to work and stress out and not run as much as I want to. Boo!
Monday, September 14, 2009
When I run, I am always amazed at how much I don't think. I know of so many people who talk about their running as their time to pray or reflect or let their mind travel to the deepest corners of consciousness. That doesn't usually happen for me.
Last night's run began with me thinking about how much I didn't want to have to run through the construction. Then I started thinking about what route I would run and if it was going ot be long enough to get 5 miles in. Then I started getting tired and thought about just turning around and going home, but I knew that I would just hate myself for not putting in the miles that I wanted to log.
But a strange thing happened as I started getting closer to home. I started being really thankful for the physical act of running. I was glad that my body was able to do what I was asking it to do. I knew that I wasn't running very fast. I knew that I certainly wasn't a top-notch athlete...and that I never would be. But I could run. And I could run a few miles, without stopping. I think that puts me in the minority of people in this country. I came up a little short of my 5 mile goal, which was disappointing because I had contemplated going around the block once more to put a little more distance under my feet.
Sometimes, I don't want to run. Sometimes I get discouraged that I can't go faster or farther or push myself harder. But there comes that point in my run, when the simple rhythm of my feet on the pavement produces a change in the way I view the world. It sounds so philosophical. Maybe it is all the extra oxygen I'm getting, or maybe it is lactic acid build up, or maybe I'm just crazy. But I finish my runs a whole lot better than when I start. I'm happier, more energized (but still physically tired) and just think that the proverbial glass is half full. And I am so thankful that I can run.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
As promised, I have pictures of some of the operation beautiful post-it notes. I think the best part was when I was washing my hands in the bathroom on the second day and a woman came up to me and told me to look at the note on the other side of the mirror. :-) It was great to hear women comment on the notes throughout the weekend.
I posted many more, but some of the pictures came out really dark. And, I'm still trying to get the hang of this picture-posting thing.
Anyway, I'm sure that there will be many more NEDA-conference references in future posts.
Once I got home, I realized that the Son is pretty sick. :-( He has a fever and an ear ache. I came in his room to give him a hug and to try to comfort him. He was crying and I could tell he was in some pretty considerable pain. But he is such a trooper. Through his tears and his sobs, he said "don't worry mommy, I'll be ok." Even typing it now makes me want to cry. My poor little man. I hope that he feels better by tomorrow.
As for me, I'm off to unpack and sleep in my own bed.
Friday, September 11, 2009
I listened to a great speaker this morning talk about the research they have done with activity based anorexia in mice....yes, I'm a nerd. The research is fascinating, but the thing that endeared this woman to me (other than her infectious energy) was her belief (and commitment) to disseminating the research findings to the providers who are treating the disease.
And, I have made it my own personal mission to plaster the Minneapolis Hilton with operationbeautiful.com post-its. Pics to come.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
It is a little strange being here alone, but so many people have come up to me and introduced themselves; included the NEDA director. She was fantastic and took me around to introduce me to some other people. This is unlike any other event I have ever been to. The people are so inviting and embrace everyone as family. I am really looking forward to some of the breakout sessions the next couple days. I just have to remind myself not to spend too much money. There is so much great stuff....and books!! This is an event I'm sure I will never forget. I already know that I want to go to next year's conference!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
When I hear the enemy whispering lies in my ear about my body or food or what I look like, I try so hard to focus on the things I love. And sometimes running is the thing that refocuses me on making healthy choices. I thank God that I can run. I thank God that he brought me to a place where I enjoy running. And I thank God for recovery.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Then, I realized how completely exhausted I was. I could hardly keep my eyes open at work; and when you are surrounded by 3, 4, and 5-year-olds, that is really saying something. I drove home in a bit of a fog and then made dinner. At some point, I made a comment about how my body must be trying to tell me something....like I should rest. But I wasn't happy about it. Not at all. I ate dinner (a REALLY good veggie lasagne) and looking outside longingly, desperately wanting to run. I even said that I really wanted to run, but the Husband reminded me that my body was trying to tell me something.
So, there it is. I'm not running; I'm blogging. Not quite the same. And, in my head, I am looking forward to my next run. I'm not sure if I'll be able to get it in tomorrow, but I really hope so. Tomorrow is the first day af Saturday classes this semester. It is going to be a crazy-busy 10 weeks until my internship and I really hope that I can make it through. And, I hope that I can still have the energy to run.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Right now I am heading into what promises to be a very busy time in my life. I have a full load of classes this semester, along with working 2 part-time jobs and keeping up with my family and church obligations; not to mention running, which I love and trying to keep a relatively clean house and stable family. It seems like I have more on my plate than I could possibly handle, yet I know that somehow everything will get done. The house might be a little messier, I may have to depend on the Husband more than usual, my runs might have to be a little shorter and fewer in number (boo), but I know that the big responsibilities will get taken care of.
The danger is that I will focus on all the things that have to get done and forget to take care of myself. Because I know that I CAN do a lot, I will think that I HAVE to do everything. The one thing that will get left behind is my own health and sanity. I've been down that road before, and I really don't want to go back. The difference is that I have some built in checkpoints in my life now. Like running. I know what my body should be able to do. If I am not feeding or resting my body enough, it won't respond on my runs they way it should. And school is another checkpoint for me. When my concentration starts to wander, I know that my body is not getting the nourishment and refreshment that it needs. And, because I've had difficulties in the past, the people in my life know what to watch out for. I don't want to put that responsibility on them, but I know that if they are starting to take notice, then I probably need to check in with myself and make sure that I'm not neglecting my health.
Somehow, everything will get taken care of in the next few months and I will make it through this stressful and busy time. And then I'll probably find something else to take on and my life will continue to be stressful and busy. Because that is just they way I am!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Today's race was a good one. The weather was great...not too hot, not too cold, not too windy. The course was mostly through a wooded area; more trail running than road running. And while I know that my legs will be grateful for the softer surface, I much prefer running on the road. I tried to pace with Rachel. I should have known after the first mile that I wasn't going to finish the race with her. We did the first mile in 8:30. That is not a normal mile time for me. But, I stuck with her. We got to the 2-mile marker at 18:00. This meant that I had 12 minutes to finish to meet my goal of under 30 minutes. I had really wanted to stick with Rachel, but that last mile was a killer. My legs just started slowing down. I didn't have quite enough gas to get to the finish line with her. But, I gave it my all and took a minute off my time, coming in at 29:06 (5th in my age group).
And speaking of age; that was another thought that struck me as I was dragging myself through the woods. I am 31 years old and spending my Saturday morning chasing after people in the pursuit of.....what, exactly? I mean, it was so great to see Kevin and Rachel and Jason and Anne and the other family that showed up to cheer us on. But, I'm not sure I understand why I'm doing this. I will never be the person who wins the trophies or gets the recognition for racing. I guess today's race served the purpose of getting to take the Son on a couple more carnival rides. And he had a great time. So, that makes it worth it.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
The Son: My truck is at gamma's! *whimper*
Me: I'm sorry, buddy. We'll have to remember to get it the next time we go over there.
The Son: *sob* But I want it now!
Me: I know, but you have trucks at home you can play with.
The Son: *crying* But, that *sob* is my favorite truck. *almost hyperventilating*
Me: Aw. It's ok. We can find one of your other trucks to be your favorite.
The Son: No. You're making me mad! *cry, sob, hiccup* I'm not *sob* talking to you *sob* anymore!
The Son: Don't laugh at me! *hyperventilating sob* Your making me angry. *deep breath* You're not a good mommy!
Me: *trying hard not to laugh*
The Son: I want my truck and you won't let me have it and that makes me upset and I'm mad at you so I'm not talking to you anymore! *deep breath, sob*
Me: *realized that my son can communicate his feelings quite well*
I had stumbled across the idea for the dish on another blog. I did some searching on different food websites and concocted my own version. Zucchini is one of the few veggies the Husband will eat. Usually, I just slice it thin, marinate it in some soy sauce and Worschestshire sauce (however that is spelled) and garlic and onions. Then just fry it up in a little bit of olive oil. Good stuff, but I was looking for something else to do with the oodles of zucchini that suddenly appears this time each year.
I put the custard dish in the middle to keep them from tipping over while they were cooking. Mine is the one with the fresh, sliced tomatoes; while the Husband has the sauce and melted cheese. I stuffed them with some veggies, brown rice and sausage. Pretty good, but I am going to keep experimenting with it. Maybe chicken next time. All in all, I was very pleased with it and it was a great way to get in a full day's serving of vegetables.
This is my first crop of little grape tomatoes. I love them. I've seen the green ones on the vine and I have been waiting (not so patiently) for them to turn red so that I could pick them and eat them. There is also the task of keeping the 3 1/2 year old away from them. A couple weeks ago he 'helped' me by picking all the green tomatoes on my other plant. I was so angry. I realized that I have a pride issue when it comes to my tomato plants. Anyway, these little guys will be adorning my salad for dinner tonight. I may even add some to the stuffed zucchini we are having for dinner. It is my first attempt at stuffed zucchini. I really hope that it turns out the way I have envisioned it in my mind. I am looking for any creative way to get vegetables into the Husband.
Yesterday I ran the hardest 3.1 miles ever. Not that I have run a lot of 3.1 mile courses...this being only the second. But there were times I wanted to give up. The hills were relentless; mocking me. Causing me to doubt my strength. Wondering if I would ever get to the end. I remember thinking that I must be nearing the halfway point when I saw the 1 mile marker. It was so deflating, to think that I was so much further than I really was. And to see another hill looming ahead of me. I saw other runners who didn't seem to be nearly as fazed as I was. They continued to run up the hills, when I had to stop and walk. They passed me on their way to the finish line. They just kept pushing. And I struggled. Boy, did I struggle. I was running up one hill when I saw someone who had already finished the race, returning to his home. I hadn't even gotten to the 2 mile point yet. He had already finished the 3.1 miles and had backtracked over a mile to where I was. How humiliating!
Eventually, I did power through and finish the race, but I had to stop and walk several times. I didn't meet the time goal I had set for myself. But I did the best that I could. And I am grateful for that one woman in the blue tank top and long brown pony tail who looked at me and smiled as we both trudged up yet another hill.
The whole race is just another example of God's work in my life. He has set out the race before me (literally). There are so many times in life that I just want to quit. I want to stop running. I want to give up. There are times when I will see others who finished the race with ease. I will mentally beat myself up for having to take the hills so slowly. I will berate myself for not completing the goal the way I had intended. And, then I will meet the one person who smiles at me as we struggle together. And I am so thankful for her that I can somehow find the energy to get up the next hill.
And now, looking back on it, I realize that I want to be the girl smiling at the one who struggles.
Thank you Lord, that I am able to run the race. I ask for your grace and mercy when I struggle and I thank you for those who encourage me along the way. Help me to be an encouragement to those I meet.